#5: NASCAR

Vroom. Vroom.

Sure this one is obvious. NASCAR is synonymous with the South, where perhaps the highest concentration of White Trash People reside. But it isn’t just ‘car + fast = entertainment’ that makes NASCAR so appealing to this subgroup of white persons. No, NASCAR is how White Trash People not only participate in culture at large, but make a political statement about that culture. It is perhaps the summit of their collective activities.

First, NASCAR allows White Trash People to wear numbers associated with other grown men on their clothing. Previously this privilege was confined to people dwelling in larger cities with prominent professional sports teams. For example people in Dallas would wear the number 8, people in Chicago the number 23, and people in New York the number 2.

But with NASCAR even people in areas of the lowest population density could now wear, say, a number 3 or a number 24. In fact fans of Jeff Gordon could wear not just his number 24 but also his trademark rainbow colors without having to feel the shame or stigma usually associated with such a statement.

But there is a sophistication to White Trash love of NASCAR beyond the simple wearing of numbers that is so important to grown men.

NASCAR is a metaphor for America itself.

First, it’s loud. Put 43 cars on the same track going 200 miles an hour and they make an assload of noise. America is nothing if not loud.

Second, lots of money changes hands at a NASCAR race. Tickets, parking, nachos and corn dogs, beer, t-shirts and other merchandise—you can spend a month’s wages bringing the family to a race but shit, this is America where spending money is patriotic.

Third, it’s pointless. “What?” you ask. “Isn’t there a winner and don’t Americans love winners?” Of course, but the track is circular (or ovular or elliptical or something), such that the start and the finish are in the same place. So sure there is a winner, but at the end of the day every driver’s net displacement is zero. Drive 500 miles and end up exactly where you started. It’s as if they never went anywhere at all.

But all of this nothingness requires a shit ton of resources—hundreds of tires, thousands of gallons of gas, millions of man hours—just so 43 people can literally go nowhere. And it’s not just race day, this all starts with qualifying earlier in the week. Then when the race is over, the whole show consumes another shit ton of resources just to get to the next track.

It’s loud, it allows lots of money to change hands, it consumes enough resources in 3 hours to power Nicaragua for 4 months, and it is ultimately pointless. If that doesn’t describe America, then nothing does.