If there is anything White Trash People have besides three broken cars in the front yard, it is allegiances. Ford over Chevy, 3 over 24, and America over any other country ever.
But it’s not enough to have beliefs, you have to let other people know what those beliefs are. But whereas you and I might put an “I Love Ford” sticker on our bumpers, such a sentiment doesn’t quiet convey either the depth or range of a White Trash Person’s feelings on the subject.
The only way to truly encapsulate a visual representation of all that their belief entails is via a Calvin pissing sticker. Love Ford? Well then it only makes sense that you have a decal of Calvin pissing on the Chevy logo.
Love America? Then Calvin better be pissing on Iraq, right? Well, no. That would require enough knowledge of geography to recognize Iraq by the shape of its borders. And no White Trash Person is so uppity as to have opened up a geography textbook, atlas, or map. Instead, get a sticker of Calvin pissing on a towel-headed Arab. In fact that’s more accurate because every true American hates all Arabs for what about 20 of them did to our country. And that is the reason we should nuke them all.
However, Calvin pissing stickers aren’t just political statements of allegiance. There is a certain inflexibility that the church-going White Trash Person might be trying to convey. The comic strip character was named for John Calvin, the theologian and philosopher who strongly believed in predestination, the notion that before creation of the universe God had predetermined its course and events through time.
So by using Calvin, sophisticated White Trash People are saying there is certainty about this proposition that was fixed by God before time itself. And that God hates Chevy trucks, Jeff Gordon, and towel heads. Never mind that your neighbor has a decal of Calvin pissing on a Ford logo. In fact that’s how you know your neighbor is a fornicating heretic and believes in a false God, because no God worth worhsiping would fix such a notion as eternal.
Or maybe “sophisticated White Trash People” is an oxymoron, and they just think it’s cool because it’s Calvin and he’s pissing.
Your blog is absolutely awsome, I’ve been following it for a few weeks now – love your writing style!
Keep it up!
You’ve yet to write something that hasnt made me laugh out loud!
What about ‘All You Can Eat Buffets’!?! Totally White Trash!
Pretty much the most awesome blog I’ve seen for a while. Keep up the great work!
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Stop crying because they express thereselves differently from you city livin assholes. At least when you see us country folk with those stickers you can say something to us if you have a problem. Unlike you who just hides behind the computer screen!