One thing people do a lot is argue. And White Trash People are no exception as conflict knows no economic or social boundaries.
One popular way for settling an argument, or any disagreement, is through fighting; and there are all kinds of ways to do this. Governments wage war, Latin-Americans adopt soccer teams as a proxy for throwing down, and computer nerds use DDOS attacks.
As purists, White Trash People tend to favor the elegance of simply using their bare firsts. But there is a deep existential problem underlying a White Trash Person’s predilection to fight.
Because Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek, the ability—closing our hand, making a fist, and planting it in someone’s jaw—and the desire to fight must either be the work of Satan or evolution. But if Satan is responsible for the way we are put together, then why do we also have opposable thumbs, which are good?
So either evolution is true or, well… something else White Trash People believe isn’t. Faced with this type of threat to their weltanschauung, the White Trash Person has only one rational response: “Fuck it, that guy looked at me funny, I’m going to go kick his ass.”
Yep, White Trash People love to fight. It is a very effective way of communicating things like “Don’t talk that way about _____!” where a type of truck, the name of a wife, or a brand of beer are all acceptable things to fill in the blank with and beat the living tar out of someone over.
And fighting isn’t just fun. It settles things. Just as World War I took care of Germany for good and the first Gulf War brought down Saddam Hussein once and for all, winning a brawl in a bar makes a White Trash Person the winner of that particular argument for all time moving forward.
But fighting isn’t just limited to White Trash Men. White Trash Women also love to fight. And while their fights don’t necessarily result in violent fist-on-face contact, there is still an evolutionary component to it.
By simply “creating a scene” a White Trash Woman is saying, “Look at me, I’m an attention whore.” And how else is she going to find a mate with whom she can breed if she isn’t both a whore and drawing attention to herself?
