You know what’s great? When you can combine two things you already enjoy and get something even better, like peanut butter and jelly. That stuff is awesome. Here’s a tip: try it on a sandwich.
Anyway, this probably explains why televangelists are so popular with White Trash People as it combines two things the already love: TV and Jesus. And while it seems plausible, simply combining two things doesn’t assure enduring popularity. Just look at Hall & Oates, Loggins & Messina, or the Captain & Tennille.
Televangelists definitely have other characteristics that have allowed them to continue to thrive in changing political and cultural times. Most importantly televangelists have shiny teeth and faces. And, like babies, White Trash People people are drawn to and hypnotized by shiny objects.
On a deeper level, White Trash People share a common understanding of how the world really works. They know that salvation doesn’t come cheap, but that it is earned by prayer and by sending money to strangers on TV shows.
To some that might sound silly, but for White Trash People it’s really just a solid back-up plan. If St. Pete is on the fence, they’ve got someone on the inside who can put in a good word with Jesus and even bribe him if necessary.
Having a guy on the inside is very important to White Trash People. It’s how they get their cars to pass state inspections.
Finally, Televangelists provide good role models. For example, while preaching at his New Life Church, Ted Haggard not only had an ongoing affair with a gay prostitute but also purchased and used crystal meth.
Is it any wonder that membership in Haggard’s church was reported to be upwards of 14,000 people? White Trash People Love meth. The gay sex with male prostitutes they were probably less jazzed about, but White Trash People draw enormous comfort and inspiration in knowing that, like the guy on TV, you can say you follow Jesus but still do some pretty fucked up shit.
Oh, and they also know that if Jesus did appear to someone, he would totally be 900 feet tall.
