Being a White Trash and being female means two things. First, you think Spandex is proper formal attire but, more importantly, it means you have (or aspire to have) big hair.
But big hair isn’t about homogeneity. No, there are two main groups that favor big hair: Christian women and aging sluts.
Christian women pile up the big hair because they believe that the higher their hair, the closer they are to God. And if you assume that God is somewhere above us in terms of oreintation in physical space, then, remarkably, this is technically true.
An aging slut continues to choose big hair because she clings to the fading hopes that she can someday again hear a drunk male bar patron whisper in her ear the most romantic phrase she knows: “You remind me of Tawny Kitaen.”
True, it can be difficult to distinguish which group a woman with big hair belongs to, particularly in White Trash towns, where going to Sunday church is mandatory if you want to hear the good gossip first.
However, a quick trip to the rectory and you should be able to sort some of the confusion out by taking note of who happens to be blowing the youth minister in exchange for a promise of absolution
But if you prefer not to interrupt a fellating in progress, you can probably tell an aging slut as she’s also likely the on who has spackled on so much makeup that even a drag queen would find it excessive.
Oh shit. But Christian women like televangelist Tammy Faye also cake it on, don’t they? Hmmm… I guess that the only way to really tell is to whip it out after all.
