Americans spend over $7 billion a year on lawn and garden products. Holy crap that’s a lot of money on chemicals that probably won’t even get you high.
People really must love their lawns. And why not? What better way to mask the highly dysfunctional shit going on inside the house than to distract passers-by with a beautifully manicured carpet of grass or a magnificently curated azalea garden.
Nope, nothing says, “Well-adjusted” like a deep green inch cut of Saint Augustine with some nice hydrangeas by the front door.
Except to White Trash People. They know their shit is fucked up. So instead of living in denial, they use their front lawns more as part museum, part showroom.
For example, when most people want to know about the history of their family, they ask their grandparents or maybe do a search through the Ellis Island records.
White Trash People simply look at their front lawn. Want to know about your ancestry? There is the couch your mother was conceived on right there. Oh, and there is the dryer your sister was conceived on right next to it. It’s also adjacent to the brief history of the automotive industry and Bondo also on display.
But there is more at issue than just preference in handling genealogical and psychological issues for White Trash People and their laissez faire attitude toward lawn care.
They are also making a very intelligent statement about physics. They know you cannot beat entropy. It is pointless to fight the Universe in this regard.
Plus, they can think of much better ways to spend $7 billion. That kind of coin would buy a sweet plasma before the next Wrestlemania.
Then pay them to stage it on the moon. Because what’s better? A nice lawn or Wrestlemania on the moon?
Yeah, thought so.
Why isn’t there a link for older posts at the bottom of the page?
White Trash People don’t like that?
Hmm, but Wrestlemania on the moon would be boring, because the lack of gravity would slow everyone’s moves down. I suppose you could have the referee who was in the employ of the bad guy stomp on someone’s air hose and have them knocked out for the ten count, but that would be the only real advantage of staging a Wrestlemania on the moon. Everything else is a negative, in my view.
They should stage it on Mercury, and have a “throw your opponent to the Sun” triple threat match.