As our boy Hank Kissinger once noted, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
It must be. Can’t think of a single reason why any conscious woman would let such a creepy looking troll shove his penis in her unless he had the power to bomb the Fishhook back to the Bronze Age.
And it’s not enough to have the power, you have to show you have it. Sorry, Cambodia, but even Hank needed to get laid.
But the lesson was not lost on shrewd White Trash People, specifically “show power = have sex.”
For that reason White Trash Men love cell phone belt clips. Having a cell phone belt clip shows the world one thing: that you have a cell phone.
Sure, so does every barista, immigrant laborer, and pimply-faced 14 year old, but they are so ignorant as to leave the phones in their pockets and out of sight.
Morons.
No, only by hanging a cell phone someplace visible with the help of a cell phone belt clip is a woman ever going to see that a White Trash Man has more computing power than the Saturn V rocket at his disposal. Yeah, that thing went to the moon; and every woman reading this just got a little moist.
So, it’s okay that humility is a casualty to technology. People need to see that you are important, you are in demand. Your buddy just gassed up next to Alan Jackson’s tour bus out on the Interstate? Molly Hatchet tickets about to go on sale? That’s the kind of shit you need to know. And you need to know it now because that shit could sell out.
Additionally if that cell phone does ring, a White Trash Man doesn’t have to futz around in his pocket for anything. It’s right there. And he’s saving 2 maybe 3 whole seconds with that cell phone belt clip.
Two seconds here, and two seconds there? That shit adds up. So the cell phone belt clip user is not only further along in his quest to get laid, he’ll have more time to do it once he gets there. There is a certain kind of genius to that.
Maybe that genius will one day be rewarded and that White Trash Man can even live in an area with high enough population density to warrant a cell phone tower and, with it, a cell phone signal.
