What says “dreamboat” more to a White Trash Woman?
1): A man who is rich, famous, and works just enough to keep you from getting annoyed with him? Or
2) A man who won’t have to be trained to wear white pants, owns some garish jewelry, and has already shown a penchant for frequenting Hooters?
That is indeed a poser of a question. And frankly no White Trash Woman wants to bother thinking through the pros of each enough to actually assign utility to both options in order to decide.
They are both equally awesome. And that’s why White Trash Women love Chipper Jones.
He’s loaded, he only works 162 days a year, he’s got questionable decision-making abilities, and he already lives in the South. He’s like Prince Charming. He even wears leggings.
But unlike Lorenzo Lamas and that guy from Beauty and the Beast whose love was unrequited, Chipper Jones’ affections might be attainable. At least they were for the Hooter’s waitress he cheated with, then knocked up when he was still married to his first wife.
He’s just like your high school sweetheart, and not just because he didn’t go to college either. Only he hasn’t gotten fat… yet. Oh, and he has a World Series ring.
But even if you don’t schlep wings in undersized shiny shorts, how tough can it be to score with a guy who is starting at third base?
So recap: He’s cute and employed. He might cheat on his wife with you. And for good measure, he could knock you up if you like. That’s batting 1.000 in the White Trash game of coveting.
Not bad for someone whose real batting average is .307.
