—Loves guns? Check.
—Small town background? Check.
—Grandmother at 44? Check.
—Excessively patriotic? Check.
—Beauty queen wannabe? Check.
—Barely left the country? Check.
—Knows how to sell shit on ebay but doesn’t know dick about science? Check.
—Chain-smoking while drinking a Schlitz? If not her, then the company she keeps (and yes we know it’s a Photoshop job, but that pic has [...]
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
#42: Republican VP Nomination Sarah Palin
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Sarah Palin, tits on September 4, 2008 | 1 Comment »
#41: Waffle House
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Albania sucks, America, Fucking math and shit, scattered, scattered and smothered, Waffle House on April 30, 2008 | 5 Comments »
Know why White Trash People love Waffle House?
Waffles? No. Wrong answer.
Seven words: Scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, capped, and topped
Shit, you can get your hashbrowns like, what, at least eight ways with those seven options. Maybe more. Could be like, I don’t know, 40. You probably have to know math and shit to figure it [...]
#39: Dale Earnhardt
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Crucifixion is fucking painful, Dale Earnhardt, Daytona, Jesus, Picking up chicks on April 24, 2008 | 1 Comment »
White Trash People love Dale Earnhardt. Sure they love NASCAR, but they really love Dale Earnhardt.
They might not even be sure why. Could it be because he was “The Intimidator” and that’s the longest word that most White Trash People can correctly pronounce? Could be. But it isn’t.
Perhaps it was the mustache. Perhaps, but no.
White [...]
#38: Mullets
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Fucking mullets, Mullets, party on April 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Most everyone knows the refrain by now: “Business in the front, party in the back.”
Well it’s wrong.
Sort of. It’s at least redundant, because a White Trash Person’s business is to party.
It’s not like White Trash People look at themselves in the mirror, see the mullet staring back at them and think, “Damn I look good.” [...]
#37: Dip
Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2008 | 3 Comments »
As smoking becomes less and less socially acceptable, nicotine remains just as addictive. Curious, huh?
But whereas many politically engaged people gripe, complain, and write letters to local newspapers upset that their Constitutional right to smoke is being taken from them, White Trash People have simply outsmarted the powers of the nanny state.
Those cans on the [...]
#36: The Chicago White Sox
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Baseball fights, Chicago White Sox, Kansas Cit Roylas, meth, Ninjas, Pirates, Tom Gamboa, William Ligue on April 20, 2008 | 3 Comments »
White Trash Women may love Chipper Jones, but White Trash Men like baseball, too. They just don’t like baseball players because that’d be pretty gay. And if there is anything a White Trash Man isn’t, it is gay.
That’s why White Trash Men (and some Women) love the Chicago White Sox, because they are totally not [...]
#35: Taxidermy
Posted in Uncategorized on April 18, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Killing shit it pretty awesome.
But even more awesome is letting people know that you’ve killed shit. That’s why White Trash People love taxidermy.
Taxidermy isn’t just about preservation, though, it’s a way for White Trash People to show that they are superior to nature in every way. Or at least they are with a shotgun in [...]
#34: Mardi Gras
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Beads, Does that chick have three nipples?, Jesus, Lent, New Orleans as a Third World City, Show Your Tits, Worthless Crap on April 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Everyone loves a Winter vacation but, while not everyone can make it to warm climes of Central America or the Caribbean, they still like to enjoy some Third World charm.
That’s why New Orleans in February is such a popular choice. But ice that cake with some Mardi Gras, and it’s White Trash mixed metaphor Hajj [...]
#33: Chipper Jones
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Atlanta Braves, Cheating, Chipper Jones, Hooters, Third Base on April 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
What says “dreamboat” more to a White Trash Woman?
1): A man who is rich, famous, and works just enough to keep you from getting annoyed with him? Or
2) A man who won’t have to be trained to wear white pants, owns some garish jewelry, and has already shown a penchant for frequenting Hooters?
That is indeed [...]
#32: Cell Phone Belt Clips
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Things nobody should ever be caught dead wearing on April 15, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
As our boy Hank Kissinger once noted, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
It must be. Can’t think of a single reason why any conscious woman would let such a creepy looking troll shove his penis in her unless he had the power to bomb the Fishhook back to the Bronze Age.
And it’s not enough to have [...]
